Aging Together as a Couple with Couples Therapy

It happens to everyone. Time passes and we get older. The fun part is that we often see it in others much more than in ourselves. This can become especially hard when we are one half of a couple. The person you married 20 years ago is not the person sitting across from you at the dinner table today. What we fail to remember is that we aren’t the same person they married either.

The same change we can see looking back at the neighborhood we grew up in happens to us as we age. When we are in a committed relationship then changes happen not only to our partner, but also to us, and ultimately to the relationship itself. The real question is not if there is change, but what are we going to do about it? Will we stay together as a couple, or grow apart?

The cliché is two people come into an office for couple’s therapy after 25 years of marriage and the kids move out. One is complaining that the other isn’t the same person they married. The other is upset by a newfound lack of communication. Unfortunately, the cliché exists because of how often it is real. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be.

One of the most important things for a couple to do as they grow old together is communicate. Think back to the early days, when you were still learning all about each other. You talked every day. You may have played the “you hang up first” game. You shared your hopes and dreams with each other. You shared the everyday occurrences of life with each other.

If you’re lucky, you still do this. This is a great indicator of a couple who will not grow apart as they age. If this doesn’t describe you, all is not lost You can still stay close as you age, even if the last decade has seen you drift apart. Start today. Seek couples therapy to get the ball rolling, but start sharing your hopes and dreams with each other today. You may be surprised to realize that they’ve changed over the years. They may be more aligned than you realize too.

If you would like help moving from growing apart to growing together in your relationship to schedule an appointment with a Waikiki therapist, please contact East-West Therapy Hawaii today at (231) 880-8262.